Posted by
LadyLiberty on Saturday, August 09, 2008 1:13:07 AM
Episode 47: Rolled-up Sleeves vs. Green Shirts (and other color codes)
Raina: (At Gymnaces. ) Heya Kola. C'mon in. I'm just finishing up the class. Computer's over there. Thanks for the research.
Curtis: No prob. Did you say Gitcheegoomee?
Raina: What kind of baby talk are you jabberin' now? (Turns to her gymnasts) Ok class. Two weeks until the tournament. Every day now, four hours. Bring sack lunches and good energy.
You're dismissed. Wait for parents, as usual, outside the door. See ya tomorrow.
Student: Miss Raina?
Raina: Yes?
Student: Kaylee and me don't need to wait for our parents because we rode our bikes here. And Sheree rollerbladed. We're reducing our carbon footprint like Mr. Gore said. That's pretty good energy, don't you think?
Raina: Well, I think it's always good to conserve, and if you can do something yourself, then why not?
Curtis: (calling out) Was that Mr. Al Gore rollerblading down the street with you ladies the other day?
Students: (Giggling)
Curtis: I thought for sure I saw him go rollin' by. No?
Student: Noooo!!! But my mom saw him downtown at the conference center talking about global warming.
Curtis: Was he talking about that before or after he fueled up the GulfStream on account of his Occidental Petroleum trades?
Raina: Ohhhh Koolaaa...
Curtis: Ah, don't mind me, girls. In fact, cap my carbon mouth print altogether. (Covers his mouth)
Student: (Giggling) Mr. Curtis, fossil fuels are running out, so we shouldn't use so much petroleum.
Curtis: No that's a good point. If they actually are fossils, which
I doubt. If we use it all up, what will Mr. Gore fly around on? Ah!! Let them burn cane? If it's good enough for the Brazilians, it oughta be good enough for us.
Students: (Giggling)
Curtis: Raina, may I share a little research with the girls here?
Raina: Age appropriate?
Curtis: Absolutely.
Raina: Ok.
Curtis: Girls, do you know how important petroleum has been in the advancement of societies? Do you know how many products are made from petroleum?
Students: No.
Curtis: Well check this out. Found this on the internet today then heard Glenn Beck talking about a similar list on his radio program. Great carbon-based minds think alike. So look
here: (points to the computer screen) See how many products are made with petroleum. What if we didn't have those products?
Uh, oh. No bicycle tires.
Students: That's ok. We can walk!
Curtis: No rubber mats for gymnastics. Helloooo cement floor.
Students: We could use blankets!
Curtis: Not the electric kind, and no cameras...ooops no clothes! Ooh. Could get pretty cold.
Students: We would wear cotton. My mom says organic is best anyway.
Curtis: Well, that's good, but pretty expensive and would take a lot of picking. My ancestors could tell some tales on that, but...no clothesline to hang 'em on anyway...oh! Hope you can see ok, cuz no eyeglasses.
Students: We'd get lasix.
Curtis: Well, you're still possessed of adaptability--and big parental bucks. That's a good sign. But look here: no fan belts; so forget the car. Oh!...no movie films...
Students: Busted!!! No way!!!
Curtis: Sorry. But, while we still have energy enough to reel this one in, let's check out You Tube's side slapper, "Kentucky Fried Movie".
(Students watch clip, laughing giddily)
Student: (pointing to the caption from the website, reads:
Save and Conserve. Let's kill consumption before consumption kills us.
See Mr. Curtis. We shouldn't consume so much stuff. Consumption kills.
Curtis: Well, now, it looked to me like things got pretty rough when all that stuff was taken away. Let me ask you. Could human beings live without consuming anything?
Student: No. We have to breathe air and eat food.
Student: And have a home. And furniture. Some. Like a bed. And stuff.
Curtis: So we have to produce things to consume the things we need to survive. Would you like to live like people in, say, Rwanda or Darfur who live probably with a very few things, and clean water and snickers bars are not among them?
Student: (Giggling) Well, no...but I could be happy with just a few things.
Curtis: Well, that's the conservative way. Good. So which things would you give up? And should the Rwandans and Darfurians--if that's the correct name--and Chinese and Indians and cowboys--should they have more stuff like us so they will be as comfortable as you've been all your lives?
Wouldn't that be the humane thing to do for all humans? Provide comfort to the comfortless.
Produce more. Stay ingenious, my geniuses?
Student: (Giggling) Everybody should have a little comfort.
Curtis: Well, then, if you believe, as I do, you're going to need to be sure that with all your getting rid of, you don't get rid of your
freedom to create. That will help people more in this world than any cap and trade scheme for
global charlatans. If you know what I mean.
Students: Noooooo. (Giggling)
Raina: All right, girls. Time to bike home, while you've still got tires to ride on.
Curtis: (Calling out) Have I shown you my
tire pressure gauge, which beats any energy policy hands down, let me assure you? Or my Paris Hilton video. It's hilarious. Even the wrinkled old white-haired guy said so.
Raina: Ok...that's enough. (Girls leave giggling)
Curtis: (To Raina) Hey.... "white haired guy" do you think that's racist code for "white guy" OR, is she just a shallow, ageist, infantilist bigot, like so many people think she is?
Raina: I'm sure McCain was right. She was just having fun. And she offered a pretty common sense solution about doing whatever it takes. She must be a Republican...well, not one of the
gang of 10 throwing in with the Don't-Drill-Democrats, but...
Curtis: Yeah (musing)...guess so. A conservative in a cut-out swim suit. Saves material. Let's check that out again. Cuz there might be more carbon hand prints to detect...
Raina: Let's not and say we did, eyeballer. We've got real research to do before that leadership conference. Lemme see that. (Takes the mouse and ousts Curtis from the chair.)
Ok. Leadership. Define it.
Curtis: My definition: One who seeks, speaks and acts the truth.
Raina: Wellllll, in this post-modern angstathon, you have your "truth" and I have mine.
Curtis: Don't let life pass you by, pal. Oooops. There it goes. The bittersweet truth. If only you had been a bitter clinger like moi.
Raina: Yeah ok. Truth hurts. Review: Speaker Pelosi shuts out the House lights.
Curtis: Greaaaaat energy plan. Like the
tire gauge. Brilliant calculation! Why didn't I think of that??
Curtis: Read it and weep, citizens. This is your "Democrat" Congress not at work.
Hey...I gotta better idea for leadership prep. How about a celebrity pop off.
Raina: Huh?
Curtis: You know. Paris pop tart vs Voight. I'll take Voight.
Raina: Great, I get pop tart...Oooh, now you've got me saying it. I'm sure she's a nice person. Who's Voight?
Curtis: Jon Voight. Brangelina's estranged dad. Great actor. Smart guy. Probably that's why. Check it out! The Green Shirts are following the pattern of the Brown Shirts and the Red Shirts--no offense intended--
Raina: No offense taken; we're not talking about skin...
Curtis: No that's a code of a different color. We must
keep our codes straight. Like a good skinhead. You redskin. Me black skin. Them Green Shirts, threatening to blacklist him for his honesty and common sense
"Concerns for America".
Raina: Well, now, shouldn't you black skins be blacklisting...(laughs) Just playin'. Oh, no, that's right, Juan Williams reminded us it's all the white folks' fault, the liers. It has nothing to do with the wizard behind the screen who has no experience. That's right, you can read minds when you're above all this, so how could I forget that bit about congenital lying; I'm only half-white.
(Reading the Voight piece) That's good. An uproar over this?
Curtis: Lily emailed it to me earlier today.
Raina: What did Lily think?
Curtis: Time to put away the crayons, roll up the rainbow-colored sleeves and go forward,
the American Way. The real race that IS going away--with or without you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(On Poetry Square will vacation now. That is Congress' cue to get back to honest work.)